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I have been thinking about so many conversations lately that center on exhaustion. I said recently to a few colleagues, I am tired in a way that sleep will not fix; they nodded in a knowing way. To be clear, my tired is a tired that comes with great privilege. I am, in this moment, only talking about the work of leading an organization like so many of you do every day. The persistent and consistent depth and breadth of decisions with no clear answers that impact others in every way is unceasing. I am sure this was true pre-pandemic but perhaps it is the speed, the severity, the constant need to rethink or redo the same decision as new information emerges that makes it more challenging – honestly, I am not sure.
What does seem clear is there is a pervasive need to re-find our joy, to re-find our strength- to re-find connection. For me, that means renewing my commitments, and to refresh and reflect on my why. There is much written about the question why– a little word with enormous power. Indeed, its herculean strength might be just the word that is needed to re-find our strength or even get us out of the eddy of the discussions that are taking place today.
Focusing on the question why is a journey to the transformational side of the work; the bigger adaptive reasons; the anchoring response. At the heart of my own why, I am finding all of that and more. It seems to me that more people are asking themselves why, and in doing so are making different choices about their work roles and family dynamics. Is that true for you? There are so many ways to explore your own personal why. Some will do it in solitude and others in prayer or meditation. Some will do it with their family and friends while others will seek a dynamic work team or a professional coach. Every path is the right path if you take it.
Asking why can help us make decisions. I have picked a few examples to highlight from the last few weeks at Foraker but the options are countless. What each of these conversations have in common is the propensity to drag us into the tactics, activities, or minutia of the decision while losing sight of the very reason we are having the discussions in the first place. I also appreciate that why conversations have the ability to pull us out of our assumptions, allowing us to tell a larger truth and side step some of the bias of our own thinking and rational. Perhaps they will spur some new direction for your conversations, too.
The conversation about returning to work – hybrid work – remote work.
I have not met a nonprofit leader who feels confident in this decision – made or pending. These conversations too easily turn to the preferences of a few, fears of more staff transitions based on any of the choices, or pure tactics of how and when we will enact any larger decision. As these discussions have swirled around, I often hear more insights, more meaningful and inclusive discussions and maybe even a little more confidence from conversations that focus on the why of the choice, not the how. If you are feeling stuck in the details or need some confidence in your decision, try these why questions:
Undeniably for much of the workforce, going back to what was their way of working before the pandemic is both unrealistic and undesirable. For many, the myth of how buildings make our missions more real was shattered in a good way. We are collectively forever changed in our understanding of how work gets done and how we want to be with each other. Some of us, myself included, deeply miss the informal connections of the workplace. The thought-partnership, the random inspiration – the impromptu laughter that all make the work more meaningful while others are more content than ever to deeply focus on their tasks and feel wonderful about their accomplishments at the end of the day. Reconciling these into a forced choice of how we do it seems a recipe to ensure disappointment, so maybe what we get to agree on instead is why any of the choices matter.
The conversation about board giving and its role in board diversity and equity
This is a perennial conversation of course, but the more emphasis we place on conversations about diversity and equity in our board rooms the more this discussion seems to occur. There is a lot to say on this topic of board giving as an expectation of board service and certainly a very important conversation centered in bias that suggests we need to have this conversation only when talking about a diverse board – as if diverse people necessitates a conversation about money. Let’s turn back to the question of asking why board giving matters at all. In many rooms board giving is not about money at all. It is a proxy measure for commitment or even engagement – i.e. a person who is engaged and committed shows that with their time and their money (regardless of the amount or in some rooms because of the amount). For others it is all about the money with expectations to give and /or get a specific amount. And yet for others the act of giving is an act of modeling the behavior the board wants to see in others – i.e. to be the change you want to see in the world. And for some organizations it is about playing by the rules of others – this is when giving becomes a “have to” not a “want to” that is required in order to meet an external requirement from a funder or others.
One could argue for or against any of these rational reasons for giving but what is important about all of them is the discussion and process to know this why in the first place. Rather than just blindly saying it is a board requirement or just determining that it is or isn’t equitable in its delivery, let’s encourage our teams to ask “why does a board giving requirement matter to your mission?” Why does it reinforce (positively or negatively) the culture of your organization? Why is it important we have this conversation as we contemplate the composition of our team? Does a requirement of board giving reinforce assumptions or bias, or does it validate real barriers and opportunities we see as we seek the right constellation of people to move mission forward? Only once we have stepped into these larger conversations should we move toward the right set of tactics, message, and process that makes the room a welcoming place for all.
The conversation about the purpose of strategic planning or really any kind of generative planning
For more than twenty years we have been facilitating strategic planning with groups big and small, new and long-standing, with staff and all volunteer teams. I relish these moments in our work. The opportunity to breathe a little slower, think a little deeper, ask the bigger questions. The magic of these gatherings almost always appears in the well-placed question or a flash of insight that elevates the whole discussion for everyone. Admittedly we do strategic planning different than most – endeavoring to stay out of the weeds and to fully engage the wisdom in the room to reflect and learn their way forward together. What the best of these plans all have in common is an emphasis on the why far more than the when or the how. In their expression of why they are rich in flavor but perhaps short on details; they express a deep commitment to adding public value and often they must stretch into the liminal space between what we see and where we want to go.
Mind you, I appreciate a well-appointed tactical plan that has timelines, champions and budgets, but those details can come at the expense of sucking all the energy out of a good but untested idea. The question of why can show up in many stages of planning. It can be part of a group’s core ideology – what Jim Collins defines the DNA of great organizations. It can be part of the fundamental questions of existence of mission in a community and a deeper connection to the founding story and the future intentions. And, it can be the essence of a well-placed definition of success or outcome. In effect, a strategic plan without why at the heart of every conversation is simply an exercise in tactics—not bad per se but likely not the motivation, energy, and inspiration the group needs – or you need – to thrive and not just survive. I encourage you to make space
There are so many more conversations like these. Ones where we feel bogged down in the details. Ones where the energy has left us simply doing the work but without spirit or energy. If this is you or your team or your colleague – I encourage you to find the support you need to stop and lift up and hold up the why at the center.
-Laurie